Binghamton University announces D1 foosball program

Touchdown…err…goal! After decades of demand from the campus community, Binghamton University is finally getting a foosball team.

The University has researched adding a D1 foosball team for years. President Harvey Stenger said that the administration decided to move forward with the program after getting a flood of emails and social media messages from alumni, students and community members.

“It’s all we’ve heard for years: ‘When are we getting a foosball team?,’ ‘All the big-time universities have a foosball team,’” said Stenger. “Well, you asked and we listened. You’re welcome.”

The University has started a nationwide search for a head coach and will put up flyers in bars, arcades and other high-profile gaming locations across the country.

“We need a coach with serious experience behind the rods,” said Eugene Marshall Jr., director of athletics. “Someone who can lead our team to an America East title during the most challenging of games — like when the handles are overly slippery from pizza grease and soda.”

“As the saying goes, we’ve been undefeated since 1946, and we hope to maintain that record,” added Marshall.

A $200 grant from SUNY will fund a new foosball table.

“You definitely asked for foosball, right?” added Stenger.

Kickoff is set for 2024. Construction of the Chick-N-Bap Gyro Beef Burrito Foosball Complex will be complete in summer 2030.

Happy April Fool’s Day!